i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
