how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
