i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
