is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And then my night got REAL pukey
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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