my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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