do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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