My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
