also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
