Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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