U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
