Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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