Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
