I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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