Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
