Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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