I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
