Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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