did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
