I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
