they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
