I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
