I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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