i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
