Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
