we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
