Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
