I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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