They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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