so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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