Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
