I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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