so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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