Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
