sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
