Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
