Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
