He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize