You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
