This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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