I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
