ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
