Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
