If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
