too bad you live with your parents still
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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