Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
sex in a hospital.. check
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
