"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How does one acquire holy water?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
