those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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