just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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