Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
