she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
