guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
