if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
