if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
