Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How external is "for external use only"?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
