if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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