those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
