I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She said her name was "party"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
