Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
