Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
