the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
