you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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