I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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