Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
