i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
