you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
