My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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