she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
